Mommy, I Don't Want to Grow Up

I remember when I was three years old and we were living at Camp Lone Star in Texas. mom and I were walking home from the cafeteria and I said "Mommy, I don't want to grow up." Her response in my memory is very fuzzy. after all, I was only three. I think it was something like "Don't worry sweet heart, you don't have to yet" but I'm not sure. but my statement rings clear as a bell to me. I remember where I was standing and which T shirt my mom was wearing. "Mommy, I don't want to grow up."

Now I'm finding myself thinking the same thing. I don't want to grow up. I've never EVER been big on the idea. It's scary. I only have one year left of High School and People are asking me what college I want to go to. I have absolutely no idea. I certainly don't have the money for it. I'm thinking about getting a job (that does not involve working at a cash register or fast food) I want to do something I enjoy, but it's hard to say what that something is. I see all my old friends growing up and I have to remind myself that life goes on even when I'm not around. I'm not READY for life to go on. I wish it would stop for a minute and let me catch up. It's moving way too fast and not fast enough all at the same time. I'm not even sure why I'm just sitting here spouting! Why does life have to be so hard? Not to mention stressful. Right now the only thing I'm sure of is that when I do grow up and leave the house I won't have to sit and listen to my sibs fight all the time. Now THAT is someting I can look forward to.